Urbilateria and Mary
Mary saw it first. It was circling over the 50 yard line. It appeared to be looking for a
landing spot. “Is it a plane, is it a bird?”
No, I said, “It’s a giant bug”, as I took aim, waiting for it to land.
We were punching holes in B6 targets. Mary was doing a good job staying on the black
with her Pardini SP while I was attempting to stay on paper with my S&W 52-2.
She was on port 7, I was on port 9.
The bug landed right between our targets on an empty target frame on port 8.
Mary yelled at me. She rarely yells.
“Don’t shoot it, Ray! It’s a bird, I think it might be hurt!”
I suspected her real reason was her fear I would miss and shoot on her target.
“Ok, ok,” I said, disappointed, “It’s not an official NRA target anyway.”
We made the line safe, hit the buzzer and started walking toward it.
As we got closer I could see it more clearly. It was the size of my hand, beige with a blue
tail and yellow wings and had one big red eye.
I recognized it. “Hey Mary!” I yelled. “It’s Urbie, remember I told you about him.
Last year, when it fell into the gene pool. We had an interesting conversation.
It came to Earth with a mission to create a new species.”
“I remember you telling me about him. I think he’s cute. Look, the poor thing is
exhausted.”
“Genie!” It said, as it was panting, sitting there atop the target frame. “Not ‘Urbie’, we
decided to call me ‘Genie’, remember. Urbie sounds like a name one would give a baby’s
stuffed animal.”
“Oh yeah I remember, sorry about that, Genie. Why are you panting?”
Genie’s breathing slowed down a bit.
“I just flew in from Galapagos Islands, and boy, are my wings tired.”
“Wow, I really didn’t think you could actually fly.”
“And what do you think these wings are for, decoration?” Genie sounded irritated.
I shot back (figuratively speaking). “Well yes, I thought they were just painted on.”
“You know, I really did miss your wisecracks.” It turned to Mary.
“And who is this nice young lady who may have saved my life from a lucky shot.”
“This is my wife, Mary. I see you haven’t changed your insulting ways either. For your
information I happen to be a Marksman.”
“Nice to meet you, Mary, would you like me to throw him back into the gene pool and
pull you up something better?”
Mary giggled. “No that’s ok, Genie. Would you like me to take you off there?”
“Yes, I would appreciate that. I’m too tired to hop off.”
Mary picked Genie up and started patting it. I could swear I heard purring sounds.
“What are you doing here, Genie? When you walked off into the gene pool that time I
asked you what the new dominant species will be like and you wouldn’t tell me.
Are you going to tell us now?”
“No, Ray. There will be no new line of animals or a new dominant species.”
“Why not? You told me humans weren’t supposed to be on top, that it was a mistake.
You said the octopus was meant to be the superior species. Are you saying now that you
were wrong?”
“Oh dear, Ray, give Genie a chance to catch his breath.”
Back at the firing line a crowd gathered. We were eating up their range time. They looked
impatient and some were pointing at Genie. So we headed back, with Mary holding
Genie, while I carried our targets. Genie wanted to remain anonymous, so I just told them
it was an old computer trackball someone had left on the target frame and that some idiot
was shooting at it.
We packed up and left before anyone noticed that the ‘trackball’ was breathing.
Mary put Genie in her range bag, we cleaned up, then got into our car.
Genie hopped out of the bag and settled on the dash.
Mary pulled out a granola bar and offered it to Genie.
Genie said, “Thank you, my dear” and started munching on it.
Then it said, “We have to talk.” Genie sounded serious.
“What about Genie? Is it about the new species you were going to create?”
“Something like that. When I left you that time I ran into my friend Charlie.”
I couldn’t resist. “Who, Charlie the Tuna?”
“No, silly, Charles Darwin, on the Galapagos Islands”
“What! Darwin died over a hundred years ago.”
“And I died 600 million years ago, but here I am.”
“Oh, I get it. Darwin also ascended, just like you did, is that right?”
I turned to Mary. “Remember when I told you that Genie ascended to a higher plane of
existence. The important life forms, the ones that create main branches in the tree of life
do that, they ascend in case they’re needed again.”
“Do you really believe all that, Ray? It sounds so strange.”
If it were anyone else but Mary, they would have inserted the word ‘crap’ in the question.
“It was all explained to us on Stargate. You must have missed that episode.”
“It’s true, Mary. The evolutionary branch builders ascend and are also able to become
extant.”
“That means they become alive again.” I said, sounding intelligent.
“We made an exception with Darwin. We all voted ascension for him. He was the first
human to give us hard working Dnalogists recognition we all deserved.”
Genie took another byte of the granola bar, chewed some more, then continued.
“I discussed my plan to create a new species with Charlie. He then told me about the
discovery he made regarding the future of the human race. He gave a disturbing account
of the state of humanity. From that, he convinced me that I should improve the human
species, instead of creating a whole new line of animals. So, before I left Earth, I decided
to look you up and tell you about it.”
“Well, I could use some help with trigger control. I’m also having trouble keeping my
wrist stiff. And…”
Genie cut me off. “No, Ray, sorry, we can only affect change at the fertilization stage.”
Genie finished the bar and was now drinking my coffee. Mary slipped it to him when I
wasn’t looking. So I started up the car and headed towards Wawa to get me some more
coffee.
On the road Mary asked, “So what did Darwin say to make you decide to save us?”
“Charlie was very upset.” Genie went on, between sips of my coffee from a straw.
“He said the human race is about to enter another dark age, actually it would be more like
a black age this time, it will be very bad. It will last thousands of years before you even
begin to recover from it. He said that the events leading to it are already in play.”
“It is getting bad,” I added. “Congress is planning on microstamping each bullet with a
serial number which will double the cost of ammo. I’m retired. How am I going to afford
to shoot?”
“That’s the least of your problems, Ray. Congress is just the symptom. The problem is
the destruction of any kind of moral philosophy. The world is becoming more irrational
each day. The human race may not last another generation.”
Mary, looked worried. “Genie, that’s terrible. How does Darwin know all that? What’s
going to happen to us?”
“You humans go through cycles of flourishing and languishing. You slaughter each other
in ever greater numbers. You have golden ages followed by dark ages and the cycle
repeats. For the last 130 years Charlie studied the human race. He roamed the world
studying humanity, past and present. Charlie thought it strange humanity hadn’t broken
that cycle yet. Each succeeding civilization should have done better. Eventually there
should have been world wide peace, where rationality ruled the day.”
“Genie, I’m sure Charlie wasn’t the only human to wonder that.”
“Yes, that’s right, Mary. But Charlie is the only human that has access to a Mass Action
Computer at our Dnalogical University.”
“I know what that is.” I quickly offered an answer. “It’s a special computer that can
predict the future history of the human race. MAC’s accuracy depends on the population
density. More people means better accuracy.”
“That’s very good, Ray. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“Why, thank you, Urbie!”
“Now if you could only shoot as good…”
Mary interceded wisely. “So what did Darwin learn from MAC?”
“MAC gave a 99% probability of a world wide war in the next 10-20 years. The war
would devastate your civilization. It would set humanity back into the stone age.
“Hearing all that, I abandoned my plan to create a new species and instead decided to
give you humans a chance to survive.”
“Are we really that far gone?”
“Yes, Ray. Your civilization is going out of control. You humans are turning into a race
of predators and parasites at ever increasing numbers.”
“You mean we’re all turning into Democrats?”
“Ray, let Genie continue, this is serious.”
“Thank you, Mary.” Genie continued.
“The predators are plundering and destroying that which is good about humanity and the
parasites feed off what is left of the productive, the creative members of your race. That
kind of condition cannot last long before society begins tearing itself apart.”
“So how do you plan to save humanity, what changes will you make?” Mary asked.
“I cannot reveal what changes I will make. All I can tell you is that the next generation of
humans will be changed for the better. They will have the wisdom to want to live in
peace with each other, to respect each other’s lives.”
“Will that be in time to save us, I mean the new generation. Will there be enough of
them?”
“They will not be alone, Mary. There are still some rational people left in this world.
Hopefully, together, they can vanquish the evil beast of irrationality and avoid disaster.”
“I sure wish you could tell us what changes you’ll make to create these better humans.”
“Sorry, Ray. I told you I can’t.”
Then Genie smiled and asked. “If you had the power, what changes would you make?”
By now we got to Wawa. I parked the car. “Genie, would you like some more coffee?”
“No thanks, I’ve got to be going. I’m flying back to the Galapagos to say goodbye to
Charlie before I do my job and leave Earth.”
I was surprised. “You’re flying back already! You must still be tired, no?”
“I’m not flying all the way back myself this time. I’m going to catch a flight from
Newark Airport.”
I sent Mary to get the coffee. I figured she owed it to me. Genie stayed in the car so he
could say goodbye to Mary when she got back.
“You drank a lot of coffee, would you like me to take you inside to the bathroom?”
“No thanks I can hold off until I get over Newark, just before I get on the plane.”
Mary got back. We said our goodbyes. As we watched him fly off I said to Mary.
“I hope no one takes a pot shot at him as he flies over Newark.”
“You mean like you almost did?”
“Ok, ok, I’m sorry about that.” As I said that, an amusing image popped in my mind of
Genie, over Newark, ‘shooting’ back.
As we drove home we wondered about what Genie will do and what kind of changes we
ourselves would like to see in humanity.
RoL
Mallory’s beast
from the Fountainhead
by Ayn Rand
"Listen, what's the most horrible experience you can imagine? To me—it's being left,
unarmed, in a sealed cell with a drooling beast of prey or a maniac who's had some
disease that's eaten his brain out. You'd have nothing then but your voice—your voice
and your thought. You'd scream to that creature why it should not touch you, you'd have
the most eloquent words, the unanswerable words, you'd become the vessel of the
absolute truth. And you'd see living eyes watching you and you'd know that the thing
can't hear you, that it can't be reached, not reached, not in any way, yet it's breathing and
moving there before you with a purpose of its own. That's horror. Well, that's what's
hanging over the world, prowling somewhere through mankind, that same thing,
something closed, mindless, utterly wanton, but something with an aim and a cunning of
its own."
Editor's note: The original Urbie story is here.
